A Little Understanding Goes a Long Way

I spoke to a dear friend today who has both PCOS and diabetes. It's her birthday. While I am extremely lucky to have some really amazing friends and a very loving and accepting boyfriend, she is the only one who I can say truly understands what I go through because sadly she experiences many of the same symptoms I do.

We have good days and bad days. Some days it's hard to move and get even out of bed. Other days we're confident, have quite a bit of energy and are ready to take on the world. Some days all we can do is think about all the things we want to do and have to do and realize that our will is not enough to overcome our physical self. And we get frustrated. And we feel bad about ourselves and blame ourselves for not doing enough. We can't understand why. We hate it. We feel like losers. We also feel bad about telling others how we truly feel and try to sugar coat it by saying "It's not that bad. No big deal. I'll be ok." We feel like we're complaining. We keep a lot inside for fear that we will come off as complainers to others. We shouldn't have to feel ashamed or afraid to open up or be frustrated. It is what it is.

We didn't choose to be ill and feel this way. I'm still trying to accept it. I often still feel in denial of the whole thing and think I'm supposed to be superwoman and do everything I want to do and then some without getting tired. How dare I? What's wrong with me? I am too hard on myself. I see myself in my friend and want what's best for her always. I would never judge her or tell her she's not doing enough. Why am I then so hard on myself?